Alice's Menagerie

To say our class is a little bit odd might be the understatement of the year.  As we discovered thursday, our myers-briggs letters are all over the place.  And for a plan II class, we have a surprising number of both introverts and sensing types.  I suppose all our differences are part of what made it hard to get the ball rolling in the beginning of the first semester.  Like the animals who washed ashore from the tear-born ocean, "they were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank- the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable." (29 Alice)  I think that it might have been a bit the same for us.  We all felt a bit distressed at so many changes going on around us.  It was a completely new setting, new living arrangements, new responsibilities, and certainly new expectations.  I know I was feeling a bit ruffled for the first few week or so.  

Alice is certainly surrounded by a queer assortment of creatures and I think we can all relate to the
confusion she feels at learning to interact with all of them.
http://the-office.com/bedtime-story/classics-alice-2.htm

But, I think time helped wear down the anxiety edges on all of us and we began to open up more.  I mean, it certainly takes some guts to crawl under a table/womb and be reborn as an animal with a group of freshly-minted college students.  College certainly doesn't have the same unnecessary drama as high school did but I still felt a bit of fear at opening up so completely to a group that I wasn't sure how they'd judge me.  I felt a little like the poor white queen for a while. "'I wish I could manage t0 be glad!' the Queen said.  'Only I can never remember the rule.'" (199 Looking Glass)  I was too nervous for a while to really enjoy our various hare-brained activities.  It took until around our viewing of Earthlings for everything to really click into place for me.  I don't know why that was the switch but suddenly I felt comfortable.  Meditation became a serious endeavor, discussions took on a new air of gravity, and our goofy experimental learning became something I truly reflected on.


As strange as it may seem, I really enjoy sitting next to new people nearly every class.  In my high school experience, everyone I interacted with were extroverts to the extreme.  So having such a currently diverse class gives me the chance to see so many new perspectives.  Our class doesn't just take everything at face value and agree on a single point.  Our discussions vary widely- from animal mistreatment (and what to do about it) to world cultures (and how they do or don't connect).  And though for most of my life I've had this driving need to be "right," I just don't let that feeling control my thoughts in class.  Everyone in Plan II is obviously intelligent and we all have opinions that we hold and can defend with great voracity.  Thankfully, no one in our class uses that attitude to try to "fix" the others.  As Alice says, "'but aren't you going to run and help her?' Alice asked, very much surprised at his taking it so quietly." (228 Looking Glass)  Except we're not running over to "correct" each other.  We all have valid beliefs that can agree sometimes and be in opposition at others but that doesn't mean we should try to create a single homogeneric set of ideals.  The beauty of our class is that everyone is so different and I'd hate to lose that diversity.

Let's not be like everyone else.  Let's break the mold.
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/h/homogeneity_gifts.asp

So I guess Red Hawk and all of my fellow animal compatriots deserve a thank you for making me keep an open mind and heart towards all the variations of life.

ESTJ- Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging

For as scientifically driven that I claim to be, I can still be a complete sucker for things like horoscopes.  I've always agreed with the personality traits explained by my Aires sign, even the more negative ones.  But slowly my dependence on star signs and astrological hokum has waned.  However, my excitement at discovering my myers-briggs personality type is much the same as when I found out I was the year of the monkey- I just can't help but read as much literature as possible about the typology.

One of the suggested careers for my personality types is a management position.
http://www.swana.org/Education/TechnicalDivisions/PlanningManagement/tabid/109/Default.aspx

And as my title indicates, I'm an ESTJ.  I found it fascinating that I've shifted since the first time I took this test back in freshman year of high school.  Back then, I was labelled as an ENTJ.  According to my typology, it seems I've become a more linear, organized person.  And this makes perfect sense in my dealings with school because for me, "schedule is important, want a syllabus that is all explained clearly, spelled out." (307)  In case you haven't noticed, I obsessively keep track of all my various activities in a planner.  It's actually a habit I've carried since the beginning of high school and has certainly served me well.  I don't deal well with chaos in my schedule.  I'm a firm adherent to the idea that "one's work must be done before one rests or plays." (300)  In college life, this principle helps prevent me from falling into an apathy about grades.  On a campus as large as UT, there's always something interesting going on.  And even then, the city of Austin has practically a festival every week!  While it's fantastic to be at the center of so many cultural opportunities, I have to make sure that school stays my number one priority.

Another major component of my personality type is being "self-motivated."(309)  I'm all about getting the directions and then getting the assignment done.  If you don't believe me, just look how early I turn in all my DBs.  I can't stand waiting for the last minute because pressure just makes me feel tired, not motivated, for some strange reason.  So I'm usually the really annoying student in the class who gets everything done a week early.  Sorry about that guys.  It's just because I can't write or work any other way.

According to the personality test, I identify with the famous persona of Peanut's Lucy.
http://thefilmexperience.net/blog/2011/2/7/30-seconds-to-summer-superbowl-leftovers-pt-1.html

Speaking of writing, according to our anthology "free writing is a good method of developing ideas, for extraverts will think better when writing quickly, impulsively, and uncritically." (311)I never really thought about it this way but I guess I do tend to do better when I'm just running it straight from my mind to the paper/computer screen.  It may not look the neatest but it's got all the key ideas I want to cover.  And I've been indulging in this form of writing since as long as I can remember.  In case I haven't brought it up before, I journal 2 pages every single night, without fail, and have done so for the past eight years.  It's usually just a rambling interpretation of my day but it makes me feel cleaned of the days events.  However, this stream of consciousness can also be troublesome for more formal essays.  "Some (esp. if J) may not revise unless they get spoken feedback." (311)  I have trouble seeing where I should cut extraneous information or where I need to elucidate the topic.  I'm forever grateful that we peer edit each other's essays so that I can get a grasp on which areas I need to correct.


So while I don't like admitting that my personality type isn't particularly innovative or free-wheeling, I definitely work to get the job done.

MOAB- Mother of All Blogs

When I first saw the prompt of our latest DB, I basically stared at the computer screen with a blank expression on my face.  We're required to sum up ALL OF FIRST SEMESTER AND PART OF THIS ONE?  That's one hefty charge in my opinion.  Where do I even start?  How can I express all the changes I've seen- both in myself and my classmates?  To help get a grasp on the months we've spent exploring diversity, I went back and read past DB's.  I easily recalled the topic of each one but as I read, I saw patterns of thought emerge and shift.  As I continued, I tried adding in a bit of supplementary material in the form of my journal (I record 2 pages everyday, regardless of how mind-numbingly dull the day might have been) to see the full scope of the shift.  I hate to sound egotistical but holy cow have I been changed after only a semester of college under my belt!

This is me, the week before school started and I had hardly moved in.  The expression is pretty
close to how I was feeling about having to figure out this whole "college thing."

To start the trip down memory lane, I'd like to draw out the connection we made with sympathy, empathy, and connection to all life around us.  It started out very mild with articles about mustangs and longhorns.  Then we moved into human suffering via topics like suicide, the stress of perfectionism, and humankind's growing inability to relate to one another.  It slowly allowed us to merge into the idea that "cruelty is often more disturbing than killing." (anthology 2 pg.366)  And that that cruelty can be extended to all life- not simply us humans.  If I was ever told that I would be crying in class in college, I would have laughed at their absurdity.  What could possibly be so moving in a world literature class at a school like University of Texas?  And then we watched Earthlings.

I think that was the true tipping point in my understanding of the world around me.  Before, I might've agreed that animal cruelty is wrong and should be stopped but those would have been more like empty words fueled by the understanding that social protocol expects us to speak such things.  And even while I would believe the words I said, they would have no conviction behind them.  But as we spent two class periods watching the graphic abuse of animals the world over, I couldn't help but break down.  Yes, there's something to be said for shock value and that it will fade with time but for a good few weeks, I could hardly think on the footage without physically cringing.  And part of that, I know, is because of my own personal connection with Earthlings.

This is one of my current dogs, Lexi.  While she's the same breed Rosie was, her personality is
completely different.  I'd have to categorize her as Rosie's little sister in terms of temperament.

If you've read any of my earlier posts, you've most likely stumbled upon a reference to Rosie.  She was my pet, companion, fellow explorer, and best friend.  She also passed away not even a year ago.  And while her sudden and unexpected death might have saved us the pain of seeing her suffer, I was completely unprepared to bury her in the very front yard we had gamboled in for years.  I think back on the reading selection of short stories from various dogs points of view and the understanding that "I was made to experience this world; It was created for me- I was meant to move across it.  Not forever and ever, but for a few years; A few good sweet years; I will not be denied this life." (anthology 2 pg.420)  This reading coupled with Earthlings led to many a night curled up in my bed, trying to stifle the tears so my roommate wouldn't have to hear.  I know I sound over-dramatic but it's completely true.  From that point n, I took our discussion on empathy more seriously.  It was no longer a generalized characteristic that you said "gee, wouldn't it be nice if we all acted on our empathy?" It became a serious goal to show compassion to people and animals around me.  It was putting practice behind the words which became so important.

And these slowly implemented actions helped me see the truth in that "I think empathy is essentially innate, but I also think empathy can be learned, and I know it can be destroyed." (anthology 2 pg.500)

While this quote is not my words, I identify fully with it.  We all start as children with certain impulses, most of which are to act kindly towards others.  And slowly we become socialized into the modern world and lose some of that childish love of the world's inhabitants.  From there, it becomes our decision on whether or not we chose to revert to the natural state- that of helping our neighbors- or to allow that something within us to die.  That became my personal focus for the second half of first semester.


This second semester has moved more away from relations between animals and people to the interactions of different cultures of people.  While one might think this would be more in the vein of an analytical world literature class where you read old manuscripts and argue over minutiae in the wording, nothing could be further from the truth.  We simply moved from the general diversity of life into the specifics of diversity found within all humankind (yet with threads of commonality tying it all together).

This bible may not be intelligible to me because of language but it's meaning remains the same.
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=bible#/d80fyi

And animals did not completely leave our consciousness.  References abound within the Bible, Quran, and other religious texts.  While most of the references create parables for humankind to follow, they still hint at a sense of peace within all the variety of life on this tiny planet we call home.  As the Biblical readings of our anthology state, "The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them." (current anthology 61)   While the harsh reality of life doesn't seem to permit such a scene, the fact that it holds such a strong sway over the human consciousness surely speaks of our desire to find a better means of life in this world.

But now I feel we are beginning to enter into a new era of discussion and thought.  That of self-discovery and self-taught beliefs.  I know we'll be testing our personality types soon with the Meyer-Briggs and examining what "makes us tick" in order to become better learners.  Of course, this immediately brings up the point made in this semester's reading, that "data in our psychic program is often non-linear, nonhierarchical, archaic, alive, and teeming with paradox." (current anthology 83)  We humans tend to be such strange, confusing creatures.  We'll say one thing, do another, and yet find a way to rationalize the in between.  But while we can never uncover all the complexities of human nature, we can certainly try to structure our life in a way that best utilizes our paradoxes.  I think that may be the best way to keep the mystery in life and yet be stronger because of our knowledge.  As Siddhartha so eloquently put it, "'your soul is the whole world', was written there, and it was written that man in his sleep, in his deep sleep, would meet with his innermost part and would reside in the Atman." (Siddhartha 8)  There's that something lying beneath our consciousness that Freud with his ego and id couldn't discover.  Nor could Jung and his universal archetype theory.  Nor modern science with out MRIs and PET scans.  And while I'm a huge proponent of the hard sciences, I'm ok with leaving some of the mystery.

I couldn't help but make a little tie-in to one of my favorite series of all time.
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=myers-briggs#/d2uisf8

So in conclusion, I am unable to conclude this massive metamorphosis experienced through the past seven months.  I went from anxious freshman to comfortable student on the UT campus.  I expanded beyond myself to discover spirit animals, sympathetic imagination, and a deeper connection with all of nature.  At the beginning of the year, I would study in my room, locked away from the world.  But as this year has progressed, I've started to sit by the turtle pond or visit zilker with my textbook.  I do feel rather like the ferryman of Siddhartha in that  “the river has taught me to listen, from it you will learn it as well.” (Siddhartha 90)  Mine may actually be just a pond or sometimes a field of grass but the basic principle remains.  I'm moving outside of myself and my little dorm room and my little pre-concieved notions to seeing everything at a global scale.  I guess that's where the world of world literature comes in.  But on a final ending remark, I'd like to agree with Siddhartha's side of his discussion with Govinda (from the end of the book).  “It [wisdom] can be found, it can be lived, it is possible to be carried by it, miracles can be preformed with it, but it cannot be expressed in words and taught.” (Siddhartha 120)  This class hasn't diversified my outlook on life simply because of our reading or essay prompts.  It's because so much of what we do is experiencing something for ourselves and coming to our own discoveries.  We weren't told our spirit animals, we discovered them.  We all read the same pieces of literature yet everyone's interpretations are slightly different and we grow because we get to see all those aspects.  While I'm excited to become a sophomore student and move on to more classes specific to my area of study, I dread the thought of not coming to Parlin and meditating before carrying on a lively discussion about the meaning of original sin or what it means to be good. So thank you, my dear classmates, and thank you Professor Red Hawk/Bump- for making me grow, change, and experience a whole new world.

(PS- Thanks Elephant for the Disney inspiration!)

Life's Journey (Siddhartha 2)

“I’ve had to experience despair, I’ve had to sink down to the most foolish one of all thoughts, to the thought of suicide, in order to be able to experience the divine grace, to hear Om again, to be able to sleep properly and awake properly again.” (83)

It's so funny because I was thinking just this train of thought the other day.  That people who have never sinned don't really know what it means to find redemption.  How can you know what is good without there being evil in the world as well?  I find this quote to match very nicely with the teachings of Protestant Christianity: that God can't save us if we don't sin in the first place.  It's a weird combination between the Christian belief in salvation and a sort of yin-yang balance of more Eastern culture.

“Worthy of love and admiration were these people in their blind loyalty, their blind strength and tenacity.” (110)

I think it speaks a lot for mankind that humanity can be so beautiful because we act so simply.  There's something special in a person who is wholly devoted to a cause.  Some would consider them a fool but in a way they are more pure because of the single minded devotion.  It also shows a lot of growth in Siddhartha that he can appreciate humankind like that instead of the haughty distance he displayed before.  There's a definite shift from seeing all the faults in a life style to openly accepting that their actions are motivated by honest reasons.

This is the actual symbol of "om."

http://www.layogaloca.com/om/

I don't mean to compare myself in equality to the spiritual journey that Siddhartha experienced but I feel I went though a rather similar metamorphosis over the past two years.  When I was younger, I had the tendency to just generally hate people.  They were loud, obnoxious, and usually in my way.  I had trouble even fully accepting my friends because even they had annoying habits.  It made me irritable to be around others for extended periods of time, hence my bookish nature though middle school and most of high school.  But when I got older and started to take on a leadership role in the band, I started to see the good in people I previously disliked.  Even if I didn't get along with the personality, I saw merit in their abilities.  And then I started to realize that everyone had something special and unique to contribute.  I know that sounds absolutely corny but I really did start to see the good in everyone.  Even now when I get frustrated with a friend, I just remember all the things about them that amaze me.  Since my change of heart, I haven't yet met a person whom I couldn't see some sliver of good in.

“Searching means: having a goal.  But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal.” (118)

We can be caught in the maze of life, looking for an unobtainable or non-existent goal.

http://www.starwon.com.au/~cfrench/Maze.htm

I know in our last class we discussed the fear caused by detachment equating to apathy and I think the second half of the book addresses that concern quite nicely.  It comes down to a simple definition between searching and finding.  I think in our modern word we tend to search and to do so with very specific goals in mind.  We must have the exactly right relationship or the absolutely perfect grades or some other precise requirement.  Instead of being free to explore the world as a whole, we compartmentalize everything and will only accept the absolute best of it all.  It's really a limiting way to live if we can never open up to new possibilities.  Though I'm bound to certain responsibilities in school, I'm still working on allowing myself to drop expectations and having the discoveries come to me.

Siddhartha

Although I've taken years of world history and learned about everywhere from Britain to the Republic of the Congo to China, I've never really considered the cultural standards and how they differ between locations.  We've always focused on the rise and fall of empires or the land conquered or even technological advancements.  But what has that got to do with the people actually living there?  Our cultural understanding of other belief systems and philosophies is sadly lacking.  Then again, I guess that makes sense with the Western train of thought.  We want to know what they did, not how or why.  Hence when confronted with a foreign style of thought, we're not quite sure how to respond.

"A goal stood before Siddhartha, a single goal: to become empty, empty of thirst, empty of wishing, empty of dreams, empty of joy and sorrow." (14)

Although this is actually an album cover, I thought it aptly described a path to emptying of the self.

http://aural-innovations.com/2009/july/siddhartha.html

After reading about Siddhartha's search to empty himself so completely of the self, I felt utterly baffled.  Why would you want to lose yourself?  The idea of being empty like that actually rather frightens me.  To have a lack of identity or individuality is the antithesis of what Western culture stands for.  I've always been taught to distinguish myself from others.  To stand out is the greatest honor you can achieve.  But here Siddhartha just wants to sink away into nothingness.  I'm still struggling to comprehend such an action.  I plan on making this new fodder to contemplate during meditation and perhaps learn to open myself up more to the idea of existing without the need to seek recognition.

"Everyone can preform magic, everyone can reach his goals, if he is able to think, if he is able to wait, if he is able to fast." (53)

Here, too, is another piece of wisdom that the West has trouble accepting though it's certainly easier to understand.  I'm not sure it's completely a modern invention but the idea of waiting is so very repugnant to our current society.  We are, after all, the fast food nation.  And it's not just edibles that we demand now- it's jobs, relationships, monetary rewards, and success.  There's some notion in us that says waiting is useless.  We must always act if we want to get that promotion or date or whatever.  I know I'm certainly extremely guilty of this.  In honor of valentine's day, I feel the need to bring up my personal story.

I've never been patient and for the most part that personality trait has been an asset.  It means I take initiative and go after things I want.  But, at the same time, I tend to ignore the things around me.  In perspective of today's holiday, that means I don't do well waiting to see if a guy likes me.  Usually I'll just go ahead and ask him out on a date or try to hang out and see if I can get a read on him.  But once again, I get impatient and want to know how he feels NOW.  That's when I get into trouble.  Rushing in headlong to ask someone flat out puts them on the spot and makes them uncomfortable.  It's rather unfair to demand a response like that, even if it's desperately what you want to know.  And if you move too quickly or directly, chances are they'll freak.  I'd rather not bring up specifics but I've had it happen.  And there's nothing worse than losing a potential friend because you had a crush and acted too quickly.  Sitting, waiting, and allowing time to work its magic often feels impossibly slow but it can also turn out for the best if you can control your impatience.

I love the butterfly shown here which represents the fragility of life.

http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=siddhartha#/d19s7nm

"Slowly the disease of the soul, which rich people have, grabbed hold of him." (67)

This last bit isn't exactly Eastern philosophy but I think it's a challenge we all face.  Especially living in a developed country with global power status.  We're a consumer nation with the  majority of citizens well above the poverty line.  But being wealthy is no longer a way to be happy.  In fact, I don't think it ever was (although that was the American dream for far too long).  There's this train of thought that says "if only I was slightly richer, then I could do (fill in the blank here)."  It reminds me a bit of the musical number from Fiddler on the Roof (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBHZFYpQ6nc).  But then we spend all our time working and working to make more money but we never slow back down to enjoy what successes we might have obtained.  Instead, we become sick with ourselves.  It's a vicious cycle particularly prevalent in first world countries.  I was amazed that Siddhartha managed to see what he lost and give up the decadent life style.

East and West

"It is the human community, among all the forms of life on this planet, that is interfering with the laws of nature by squandering her gifts or by destroying the existence of other species for personal and greedy reasons." (179)

My senior year of high school I took the newly created class of AP Environmental Science.  Every 3 weeks we were supposed to bring in a current event and lead a mini-class discussion on it.  Though I was good friends with many of my classmates and enjoyed the class immensely, I found myself slowly getting more and more depressed.  Every story we could possibly find was about the destruction of the world around us.  Every once and a while we'd get something on green technology but the future engineers among us would poke so many holes in it that it became swiss cheese.  And that was looking at a global level.  Eventually I started to feel it hit closer to home.

"Grief for trees becomes a lament for the loss of the sacred." (189)

I know I felt this quote in more ways than one.  I'm from the small town of Dripping Springs which has slowly begun to grow bigger and bigger.  At first it was barely noticeable because businesses just filled empty store fronts.  But then the clear cutting began and the new strip centers showed up.  We only have 2 so far but I know it's only going to continue to get worse.  But the first personal, religious impact I felt is when my episcopal church moved locations.  For my entire childhood I had gone to a double-wide trailer next to a goat farmer with my Mom and little brother.  We used to get out of service sometimes only to discover that some of the goats had gotten lose.  It would start a merry chase of the older kids trying to help round them back up while I chased the older kids.

This is home to me (quite literally).  I love the trees and the unkempt grass and the general beauty of nature.

(Photo courtesy of me; taken in my backyard)

But the congregation got bigger and we needed a bigger church so we bought a larger chunk of land up on a beautiful hill and constructed a lovely building.  Except, it isn't really my home.  I still think back to my old church where the sunday school was in a little temporary building and there was no paved road.  But I can't even visit anymore because the "paved paradise and put up a parking lot."  My town is growing up so fast that they paved over the old goat farm and church location to make room for a Home Depot and HEB.  How commercial is that?  And now I feel like I've lost a part of myself in the disappearing landscape.  It seems the West is all about advancement and that sort of thought of manifest destiny yet I feel that a lot of the time we're just spinning our wheels.

"The third point that the West can learn from the East is a feeling of mildness and compassion." (207)

Shinto shrines try to simply blend with the surrounding natural beauty.

http://www.jsnw.org.uk/Gallery2/Shinto-Shrine-Tatton-Park_18.JPG

I will admit, it seems that the West is obsessed with organized religion and following a set of specific rules for which ever doctrine you believe in.  You're either Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, etc. but never do they just say "be kind to your fellow man no matter what they believe."  I feel like each has a very strict code you must adhere to if you want to go to heaven.  It may not be the most accurate picture but that's how I've always seen it.  However, in the East it's not so much about religion as it is a philosophy.  Shintoism and Confucianism are examples of philosophies- bot organized religion.  They simply ask you respect our home-this planet earth- and treat all living things with respect.  That seems to make a lot more sense to me.  But then again, no one is perfect.

"It is ironical that such practices have been stopped in India, but in our own Land of Buddha, people are taking to violence in such cold-blooded manner in the name of religion." (203/web article)

This quote refers to the mass animal sacrifice made in Nepal every 5 years to a Hindu goddess.  The extent of the carnage is unbelievable and the means by which they kill the animals is brutal to say the least.  Even in my wish to idealize the East as having a solution to the current problems we face in expressing compassion, I have to be wary that the reality isn't always so rosy.

Christianity

What is love?  What is the meaning of the last supper?

Just reading a prompt like that is enough to make me feel rather intimidated.  Where am I supposed to start?  There's been so many scholars and experts who have poured over the Bible and tried to decipher it's hidden meanings or secret values.  I feel a little insecure trying to follow in their footsteps with only a rudimentary understanding of the text.  Although I consider myself Episcopalian, I've never really been all that religious.  I'm terrible about going to church because I feel it's just someone droning on and I don't feel a personal connection to God in that setting.  However, going to the service does teach me some of the basic prayers and gives me food for thought when I find my own mental communion with God out in my backyard.

"Give us each our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us." (156)

I've heard much the same piece -although with the words slightly altered- at every service I've ever attended.  It's a very simple, straight forward sentiment but really expresses the basic needs of mankind.  It asks only that we stay fed, behave well, and share the sentiment of forgiveness with everyone.  For being only a single sentence, it sure holds a lot of important expressions on how we ought to live.

"Today most scholars think that the Last Supper of Jesus and his disciples was a modified and transformed Passover." (164)

The sacrificial lamb to fuel out religious traditions.

http://giveattentiontoreading.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/sacrificial-lamb.jpg

I had never heard the historical context of the Last Supper and Passover so this was new information to me.  But one thing the reading didn't point out is the rather ironic statement of calling Jesus the "lamb of God." During Passover, a lamb is sacrificially slaughtered and fed to the populace.  It's in the same thread of Jesus saying "this is my body and blood which is given to you" before he was killed.  So are we enacting symbolic cannibalism by carrying on the tradition today or have we found a way to circumvent meat?  I could see this going in either direction.  In one case, we've toned it down from the flesh of animals to bread and wine which is obviously an improvement.  But on the other hand, we still insist on ritually eating something we still consider "flesh" in a metaphorical sense.  So are we any better or worse?  To be honest, I can decide which way I believe.

Passion defined as "physical suffering (beginning of the 12th century), strong emotion, love (beginning of the 13th century." (343- Fall Anthology Volume 2)

Now on to the love section.  I must say that when I first read the prompt, my mind immediately drifted to the romantic connotations of the word.  I blame the impending february holiday.  But in order to review passion and love in the sense that we've been using them lately, I read back through our old anthology.  I know I read the definitions the first time around but only this time did I notice the sudden shift in passion's meaning.  Within the span of 100 years, it went from a physical sensation of pain to a stronger version of love.  I wonder why it made that jump in two things that seem pretty separate to me.  Did the word become associated with the pain of heartbreak?  Or was Jesus so passionate that it went from referring from his pain of the cross to his love for the people?  I'd really like to know when/where this disjunct occurred.

The triangle theory of love.  I think it applies to more than romanticism.

http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/types-of-love

World Religions

I've always found it fascinating how we like to take myths or religions and strictly separate them from each other.  It's almost as if has its own little box so Greek myths go here, Norse go there, Christianity in this one, Judaism in that.  But it's such an inaccurate picture that way!  Cultures have been clashing and mixing for millennia and our arbitrary boundaries aren't going to change that.


My favorite example doesn't actually come from the reading but it's something I discovered.  I recall being in love with ancient cultures as a child so I read a lot of Greek and Egyptian myths.  In one very traditional Greek story, Zeus takes a human lover, Io, and to hide her from his jealous wife, he turns her into a heifer.  Hera s all too aware of his misbehavior and sends a stinging gad-fly to torment poor Io so that she can never rest.  She is chased across continents and even ends up in Egypt where she is worshipped as a goddess.  Because I had read so many stories, I immediately realized they were referring to Hathor, the cow-headed goddess of Egypt who serves both as a symbol of Ra's wrath and as a mother goddess.  As soon as I caught that little detail, I started hunting for more.  It became a game of connecting cultures.  Of course I've continued the trend with the reading from our class...

"In support of this, for example, it was believed that upon one's death, the soul departs from the body in the form of a bird (usually a sort of owl)." (115)

Here's a traditional depiction of the Ka leaving the body.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSsX3uU7jYnqXF70XpfZ_iauZAuV_qPUUj4fu0MRL0Cyq-v_OgVt8wLuPiXcq2KT1uUmjkMthmoAvlFo7gJ4TUZttWnMUGOfkB4DbaWMDcNyJuA7g-W2ntG2wV2PufCCrXKfPcHuvdF7Q/s1600/theDepartingBa.jpg

In this case, I found another tie to Egyptian mythology.  Their belief was that in death, the soul split up into the Ka and Ba.  One half, the Ka, became a falcon or an owl and flew into the heavens.  Obviously, because I took this reading from the pre-Islamic Arabian area, it makes sense that these two would share such a commonality.

"Indra too is compassionate towards humans & humanity, though he is war god, he is discompassionate towards Asuras- the evil people who cause suffering to human race." (107)


My other major connection is rather more recent.  In fact, I suppose you'd consider it more of a reinterpretation of an ancient work more than anything.  But in any case, one of my favorite artists introduced me to the stories of the Vedas.  CLAMP, a conglomeration of four women artists, created a series called RG Veda.  It's based on the RigVeda story but with a completely new take.  It's an interesting blend because the RigVeda is obviously based on Indian culture while CLAMP are Japanese manga artists so the flavor of the art is very distinct.  Interestingly enough, the main character is named Ashura (a form of Asura) and he is revealed to be destined to destroy earth, heaven, and hell.  His true, hidden character is evil because he seeks a total lack of existence of everything.  I can definitely relate how evil people, asuras, wish only grievances for their fellow men and hence are more evil than a god of war who has some sense of discipline.

One of the illustrations of Ashura by CLAMP.
http://lovelyduckie.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/p10509091.jpg

Lastly, I pulled a quote directly from our Quran selections.


"Who created the seven heavens one above another; you see no incongruity in the creation of the Beneficent God; then look again, can you see any disorder?" (150)


Although this particular piece came out of the Quran, there is a similar belief held by Judaism, Hermeticism, and Gnosticism with seven realms.  I suppose that came from the fact that all these cultures existed around the same time and within a common area.  But they aren't the only ones who believe in multiple levels of existence.  In Norse tradition, there are nine worlds arrayed on the branches of one monstrous tree.  While the Nordic people were strongly polytheistic, isn't it curious that they also base all life off a tree?  Is could almost tie back into Christianity's Tree of Life.  Now maybe I'm stretching it here but I think there are truly elements of mankind's existence that tie us all together.  We can pretend to cut ourselves up over ethnicity or gender or sexual orientation but we're all basically coming from the same mix of ingredients.  I think with our modern, cliquish world we tend to forget that.

Gawain and the Green Knight- Breaking the Perfectionist Mold

Ok, let's be honest here- if you're in the Plan II program than you probably have some serious perfectionist issues.  Besides engineers, we're some of the few students that text each other about assignments and do extra work, even if it means getting 4 hours of sleep before a major test.  I can't speak for everyone but I know I'm almost constantly running on the feeling of desperate last-miute-have-to-do-everything type of emotion.  Certainly not the healthiest way to live but probably my most common.  It's like being the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland- though time isn't always actually running late (or even running at all), I still run frantically from thing to another.

All it takes to prove that is my behavior is the Voltaire's coffee we had not too long ago.  I came directly from one committee meeting to the coffee and had practice directly afterwards with no gap in-between.  As I waited for people to settle in their seats, I pulled out my computer to check on all the assignments I still needed to complete.  If that's not a sign of compulsive perfectionism, I don't know what is!

but the worst part is, I'm fully aware that I tend to work so hard it becomes OCD.  For the longest time, it was a source of pride that I could take on 5 clubs, be involved with a competitive team, and get all m homework done with perfect A's.  But, I must say the description of the Green Knight matches perfectly with the personification of perfectionism.

"For he is a man without measure and uses no mercy; for be it churl or chaplain that rides by the chapel, monk or mass-priest, or any man else, he likes as well to kill him as to go alive himself." (43)

Gawain bravely faces the giant green knight- perhaps a representation of his self-imposed limits of perfectionism.
http://www.curragh-labs.org/blog/?p=4018

You can play with fire (or the Green Knight's game) as long as you like but eventually you'll get burned.    I probably first started feeling the stress around AP testing my senior year.  I know that seems awful late considering my track record of over involvement.  However, I'm very good at organizing and planning everything to the very edge of what I'm able to handle.  What I didn't count on, is that sometimes life just happens.  During the AP tests, I was trying to study for the 7 I signed up for, along with working on a final project and presentation for senior english.  During that same week when I could hardly manage my full plate, my childhood companion and pet died unexpectedly.  I'm not going to go into lugubrious detail because I've blogged and cried about it plenty before but needless to say it destroyed me inside.  I kept trying to study but suddenly I could focus on anything.  I went to all my club meetings and practices but it was simple motion without any mental involvement.  It was horrible, and it made me do terrible on everything.  I didn't receive the  high scores I was hoping for from the AP tests.  My grades in my classes  dropped as I was unable to focus on anything and I heard more than one adult express concern over me.

I think the perfectionist's worst fault is thinking they can handle it all.  Thinking that no matter what, they will be perfect in everything.  But life doesn't work that way.  Just in the past year, I've had so many unexpected events that have both delighted and frustrated me.  In a perfectionists world, those would never happen because everything would function in an orderly manner with no surprises or hiccups.  And while I tend to enjoy the prestige perfectionism brings me, is it really worth the cost of losing the spontaneity of life?

"But in this case, sir, you lacked a little, and loyalty failed you.  But that was for no amorous work, nor wooing either, but because ye loved your life- the less I blame you." (48)

Can you blame a student who chooses to have a life outside of tests and quizzes?  At first I used to think such people slackers.  How could they go out friday night knowing full well they hadn't finished an important essay?  But now that I'm in college, I'm seeing so many more things I an do with my life.  It's not like high school where you're either at home or in class.  There's so many opportunities to explore new places like Zilker Park or go to events like SXSW.  How can we claim to be intelligent if we don't live a diverse life full of experiences?

Now, I am still in danger of over-planning an organizing my life.  Already my calendar looks rather full with working in a behavioral lab, reading and coding neurology papers, participating on the Taekwondo team, meeting with the plan II pre-med society, and taking 17 hours of class.  It's not all strictly academic but I still run the risk of pushing too hard when there are beautiful little things in life I should enjoy.  Still, I'm working towards losing some of my obsessiveness and taking a break every once and a while  I may not always have a perfect 4.0 but if that means giving up spending movie nights with my friends or reading for pleasure then I don't want to be the top student.  Gawain wasn't perfect but that's why we can relate to him.  I guess I need my nick on the neck every once and a while to remind me why life is so special.

Perfectionism for perfectionism's sake only leads to an inability to see the whole world and how beautiful it is.
http://www.n2growth.com/blog/the-need-for-speed/

*I read Gawain and the Green Knight online at this source:
http://www.yorku.ca/inpar/sggk_neilson.pdf